Christmas Day

Had a lovely Christmas with parents and siblings (minus a few who were definitely missed!) It was such a humbling day for me overall. Decided at 6pm to drive to Westminster to go see my ailing grandfather (whom I haven't seen in a couple of years - since moving out of state.) I was just heartbroken to see my Papa in the state he's in now. He has Alzheimer's which is truly a horrible disease. He has been deteriorating so much, more quickly (he's also been on hospice for 3 months.) Good news is that he remembered me briefly. Watching my family with him was so incredible- they are kind, patient and answer his questions over and over, my sister feeds him and helps him drink his fluids. This is all the more amazing because she has rheumatoid arthritis and has her own health problems - fingers bent and misshapen, swelling of her joints, etc but she does what she can to help her Papa. So beautiful! I cannot even begin to express my thoughts on those 2 hours as nothing can do it justice. I love my family for sacrifices they give constantly. I love and miss my grandfather even though he's still alive. I'm sad for my children who only got to know him for such a short time. I'm blessed for all the wonderful things I have in life and can only hope that I am living my true best life. 

Progress (or lack thereof)

One step forward, two steps back... This has been a rough two weeks. I have been tired, busy, eating horribly, and lost all progress that I made since November. 189 days until my birthday, 27 weeks, 30 pounds to lose. Damn.

My children

My kid just told me he hates doing his chores because he's afraid I'll get upset if it's not perfect and make him re-do it? Really?? My children think I expect perfection from them and right now my heart is broken. I've never once told them I expect them to be perfect or get perfect grades. I expect them to do THEIR best and if they choose to go above and beyond, that's their own choice. I am devastated and completely thrown into a dark place because of this revelation.

I am feeling overwhelmed, under appreciated, frustrated, unhappy with where my life is at in this particular point in time. I guess the best part is that at least Brian and I are doing ok (as far as I know.)

If you are a guy reading this, just a forewarning that you may want to stop reading now. The topic of this particular blog may be more than you want to know.

I tend to get headaches pretty regularly (ok, almost every single month) about 2-3 days before my period. They can be, at times, excruciating and cause me great frustration because not much seems to help. And I get really bitchy - even more than normal. ;)

Let me try to explain it for those that may not know what it's like. It's as if the pressure builds up in my brain and the only release is for my period to start. The blood flow releases the pressure in my head. I swear, it's true! My headaches go away the second my period starts. As a matter of fact, I can almost pinpoint the exact moment I start because my head will stop hurting. And, the worse the headache, the worse the better is going to be.

Just sayin'....

Soda (again)

I've mentioned before that I've been soda-free for over 8 months now which is a great accomplishment. Honestly though, I wasn't drinking more than 2 per day but I still wanted to see if I could do it. I still get those cravings and had one just a few minutes ago. I just got home from Christmas shopping, wanted to make some lunch, sit down, catch up on some tv, and  have a Coke. I really, really want one. But there is a part of me that keeps stopping me. I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm afraid if I drink one, it'll be all over and I'll have to start from scratch again or that I'll start drinking them on a regular basis. Oh well, it will pass. I'll go have a big glass of ice water with my lunch. **sigh**