I've had many failed relationships over the years (as we probably all have at one time or another.) Some friendships, some romances, some family-based but all affected me in one way or another. As a relationship fails and you crawl out from the wasteland of rubble, you wonder. What did I do wrong? How could I have have been better, done better. Was it my fault? We all carry fault in every failed relationship; it's never just one person's fault. But I think I tend to lead the pack with the burden of blaming myself. I mean, how can one person fail so many times over and over in such similar ways? Why do I never learn or adjust my way of thinking, change so I can be a better person for my current relationships?
Sometimes I think the failure, or realization that it's failing, isn't known until way after the fact. Sometimes I think you realize it as it's happening and that's almost harder to deal with. I look at my current relationships and I wonder which ones are in the midst of failing that I'm not yet aware. I worry that my relationship with my children are failing because I don't communicate with them effectively, that I am "messing them up" or setting them up for failure in their own future relationships. I have one of each - a boy and a girl - and I always worry that if I fail them, they'll move on and then have their own failed relationships. Will they look back and think that it was my fault? Will they blame themselves? I know I can't prevent them from failure nor can I control their relationships but I do want them to be successful in life and even if a relationships ends, realize that it doesn't have to be considered a failure.
That's the biggest thing I've learned. Just because a relationship ended doesn't mean it's a failure. Some are just meant to end; some people just aren't meant to be friends. Some family members will never be as close as they once were.
In the end, I hope my children learn that despite our communication issues
~with much love,
always
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